today was one roller coaster ride of completely screwed up emotions. i felt sadness, lonliness, excitment, love, hate, uncomfort, failure, relief, guilt, compassion, jealousy, confusion, dumbness, disgust, distrust, contentness, happiness, accomplishment, and a whole slew of other emotions.

i think i need a therapist.

my first midterm today was theater ... excellent

rachel and i did a skit called beauty. basically i have a genie and i wish to be "like her" but instead we actually switch bodies. i loved to dig deeper into my character's personality and think of what i would do if i wad Bethany and i felt i wasnt pretty enough. i like to act because in a way you have more controll over your actions and yourself ...

we aced it

next was chemistry. i have studied this damn course night and day for weeks ... i worked so hard and i was so nervous for this test. i took one look at the first question ... blanked out ... and actually cried through the whole test. i lost my mind i was hysterical. i dont know what ill do if i fail. its a blemish on my report card that could determine whether or not i get into "that collage". i hate to cry in front of people. i work so hard to get rid of the stupid "drama queen" image and crying in front of people can ruin the whole thing. so i tried to have my hair fall in front of my face so noone could see the tears streaming down my face. i tried to choke it down but it was thick in my throat. as soon as the bell rang i hurried to the bathroom to just cry my eyes out. ive never done that before about a test ... it was strange.

then we went to nick and joes for lunch. i went outsde to call my mom. i needed to talk to someone. i couldnt let the extreme diasppointment fester inside my being or else i was going to blow up into a million little chelsea pieces.

so i called my mom and i sobbed to her. i just let it all out. and she made me feel so much better. she told me that she knew that i tried my hardest and that that is all that matters to her.

i love my mom

she made the rest of my day 10000000000 times better.

then we went to slick's house to watch hackers. i absolutely love that movie. no matter how cheezy it is i will always love it. it definfitly makes me happy.

three beans was a little better than normal. we went to peace of pizza and i got free pizza. you have to go at the right time when theyre trying to get rid of pizza and they just hand it to you ... soda too. i should do a little dance right now. *gets up and does the "i got free soda and pizza" dance*

angelo brought his cousin alex too ... hes pretty cool ... but hes an emotional rollercoaster all in hiself.

"he" jsut drives me nuts ... i jsut want to punch him ... and hold him all at the same time. my love life hurts.

and i wonder why i have an obsession with rollercoasters. (speaking of rollercoasters ... they seem to have caused whiplash in my neck and my chiropracter is not happy about ... bad chelsea)

~chels