today was pats birthday, and somehow he ended up punching me about twice as many times as i punched him.

ive made a complete turn around when it comes to my view on college. i cannot wait to get out of here. im sick of this small town thing. everyone knows everyone elses business. its rediculous. theres no privacy, because the only excitment people have in this town is finding out what exciting things have happened to other people. i cant wait to have a clean slate. to do my own thing. to not have my mom on my case. im sick of the dulldrums of routine. i want to chose whether or not i go to class. i want to decide my own bedtime.

whats beginning to bother me is that im starting to lose myself in this small town. i dont have to define myself here because people already know me. im starting to assimilate into different groups and sometimes i tget them confused, ill act one way around some people and hate how i act around the others, and vice versa. im not the only one. i watch other people and i hate when they do it too. im becoming what i dont like and im not having those warm fuzzy barney feelings about it.

whats more is that im getting good grades way too easy this year. in 3 of my classes im averaging about 100 on most of my tests. i have this feeling that its all gonna crash down on me.

but im back to my old feelings, and i like it that way. because its way more fun with this one.