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one year. one year since the phone calls, one year since that perfect day in the city, one year since the subway ride and the frenchman waving down from his oil paint residence. one whole year since i saw the city through new glass and trees. and hearing "a little black mushroom cloud forming" over and over again becuase when a song gets stuck in your head ... its gonna stay for awhile. thats the problem with me. no? when i want to hold on to something, damnit i will. even if its only going to be a dull ache, its still there. the best part is that even though i havent fully let go of one year ago ... ive found better things. ive learned (as people often do after cliche experiences such as this one) and ive been able to erase any traces that i might still even think about it. although you know about it because you're on my side. i like exactly where i am. im on the verge of independance, im happy ... no im content ... with whats around me. im participating instead of watching and wishing i was participating. im not getting hurt and i dont see it happening for awhile. im stepping carefully instead of flinging myself around. i have the opportunity to talk for hours and not notice that the time is flying by. im comfortable and im being helped. i like where i am because things are working out. i didnt say things were on my side, that everything is going right. but things are working out. they're functioning properly. and i like it that way. last night pat, angelo and i crashed a party. as we were driving down haddon ave. we passed a road block where a stage was set up with tents and lights and people in gowns and suits. of course we had to investigate this night time party and found it to be collingswood's gala ... whatever that's supposed to be. we parked immediatly and found ourselves wandering among the guests in their sequined gowns, satin shawls, and black suits. we were appropriatly dressed in tshirts. of course pat knew someone who was supposed to be there and he decided that he didnt want his parents to know he was goofing off at a "gala" that cost $70 a head. so we resolved to make our exit through the dancefloor, danced around a few drunk formally clad grown-ups, and waltzed our way out. but not before the sax player of the band pointed us out and laughed. even though it only lasted about 5 minutes, it was one of the most fun experiences ive had. crazy random nothingness, and a birthday tomorrow. what am i going to do with myself?
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