hearing those lines, for the 100th time, but the last time. i turned to kyle, i knew she shared what i was feeling. it hit, just hit hard, right there that it was over.

6 years working with some of these people. 6 years looking up to mr preston.

husha was hard, i danced my life out during sandstorm, tried to just dance out the feelings that i wasnt going to do this ever again. the musical wont be the same. i wont have a lead, i'll be shoved in a corner as a background person. and i dont mind that so much, but the fall play was my domain. it was where i at least felt important. its not as exclusive and clique-y as the musical tends to be.

i didnt do it right though. i didnt say the right thing when i handed vince his present. i didnt get my lines right. i didnt mingle at the cast parties. i didnt take pictures with everyone. i didnt say break a leg to enough people.

i was too freaked out by what was happening.

i dont like that this is the year of "lasts". i dont like everything that is familiar and comfortable and available to me next year to be just slipping away.

i got accepted to Rutgers today. and that just made it that much more bitter sweet.

i loved the fall play, no matter how much i said i hated it. i love the cast. im glad i had the chance to at least patch up a few things, grow even closer with come people.

i cant say this as eloquently as kyle did. i have a harder time expressing my real feelings in any sort of poetic form. i guess i just try to spit it all out before i lose it.