the last few times ive been there its been just perfect. i love it. friends sharing a closeness by hanging out. the stars were awesome tonight ... you could see so many. i was just content being there.

i cant go to 3 beans tomorrow night. im pretty upset. im leaving for north carolina in 2 days and i have to pack and help out around the house. i feel really selfish when it comes to helping out. everyone i know is really helpful and always has chores and does them. me ... i never really do anything. i feel kinda bad. i was just not raised on having that responsibility and its made me really lazy.

ive been sick lately and i think its from my lifestyle. not like im a junkie who stays out all night selling my body for crack ....

i stay up all night and dont wake up till noon. then i eat some crap like cheetos or a granola bar then go out. i only have one meal a day and i barely eat all of it. i feel dizzy when i do anything strenuous and i feel all dizzy like im gonna pass out. i cant wait till NC where ill have 3 meals a day and get a good nights sleep.

i want to meet someone. i know i always say how i dont need a guy and its not all about boys ... but i do. i just need that one person who thinks im special and who i really admire and can help me grow. i need someone to make me less ignorant annd to just love me.

if anyone has seen the real world new orleans then you might know what im talking about when i say that i remind myself of julie. im not mormon and im not totally ignorant about gays and racial things ... but there is still so much for me to learn. i hate it when i ask a question and people look at me like im stupid. its discouraging. if i dont ask questions then how am i supposed to learn anything???

grrrrrr

i hope people actually read this.

~chels