but thats my fault

im being a real bitch ... getting really iritated by everything and really sensitive.

i guess that today just really got to me.

i just dont like my sense of security all messed up.

oh and for all of you who are going to correct me : im sorry i wrote that pres bush bombed some place .. i heard it on tv and i guess its wrong or something.

forgive me

i jsut dont understand whats going on

its too terrible to quite comprehend

its like i know it happened ... but it just seems like a really bad dream. all my senses and emotions are dulled and im just kinda floating around. i just kinda want to push it away right now .. not have to face the reality of whats really happening.

but there it is.

i sign on to aol and all that i see is pictures on the welcome screen of the WTC blowing up. if you turn on the tv there is no way ou can count on regular programming ... all you see is replay after gruesome replay of the plane hitting the WTC. i cant handle it right now. its emotionally exhausting

and i havent even lost anyone close to me ... and i find it ironic that the first real time i mourned the death of someone it was a lot of someones. a WHOLE lot of someones

what i really need right now is to talk about it ... its upsetting to everyone i hope and i really think it would be good for everyone to talk about it. i dunno ... i guess i sound like a mom or something ... i just think this is a time for us to reach out to people and really unite.

and im sick of grudges. im laying aside my grudge with jamie ... im wasting all that really valuable energy on someone who really hasnt done anythign wrong for awhile

i guess i just hope to call truce on the whole deal.

i guess my main concern right now is whether or not this is all over ... or if this may start a war.

~chels