i dont think anything has impacted me emotionally as much in my life as camp has. ive never grown close to people and become so familiar that i feel like ive known them all my life in such a short period of time. theres nothing like the feeling of leaving people that you love with a deep and forever burning love and admiration and knowing that you may never ever see them again.

this may sound kinda stupid but tonight's episode of the real world (new york) really really hit me hard. it was the season finale. and i know this may sound stupid to some people but i loved this cast more than any other cast. they reminded me so much of my friends at camp and all the things i felt about them. and seeing them spend their last few days together ... and take in all they could ... and cry and not want to leave. and it brought back so many visions and memories of my last days at camp. i just remember taking mental pictures and notes of everything i could see and feel. its a real learning experience to know that a place that you feel so incredible real and safe and secure in could not be available for you another day. its a very painful experience. i dont think its possible to explain how i felt ... but it reminds me of what my english teacher was saying today. she said that this indian doctor believes that alot of your physical feelings have to do with your emotions. and leaving camp actually caused heart-ache. its not fun.

its been awhile since camp and its strange but ... all these feelings and memories came whooshing back and its hit me hard. i find myself taking more time looking through my box of momentos and stopping to look at my wall full of camp pictures a little more often. im pretty nostalgic and its hard to grasp that i may not have made it in this year. that breaks my heart to think that i may never see those people again.

my goal in life is to work there .. and eventually own it :).

yup thats something to really look foreward to.

i miss it

~chels