i took a walk christmas eve with my dog and i found myself walking next to matts house ... im not quite sure why but i jsut had this urge to talk to him ... ask him how nickleback and the feast were ... wish him a merry christmas ... just a wave.

but i didnt see him.

i was really depressed on christmas eve thinking about alot of things ... changes in my life and all this stuff ... and i reallized how much i hate being depressed. i think i make myself depressed because it makes my life more dramatic.

ive realized that hanging aroung a depressed and thoughtful chelsea is not nearly as fun and exciting as the imaginative and random and spontaneous and funny and energetic chelsea that i know is there. i can be a whole butt load of fun if i just let it out.

the only people who have actually see the real chelsea uncensored and uncut have to be the people who knew me at camp. the most painful thing these days is that i know im not being myself ... im holding back and thats vert frustrating. because i knew who i was at camp ... i wasnt a mystery to myself at camp and i dont want to have to figure myself out all over again ... if that makes any sence at all.

i guess hwat im trying to say is that im sick of dwelling on the things that make me sad or upset. i need to focus on the good and just get over it.

and colin ... look ... isnt his layout depressing ... and all i need is a little magic from papa bear colin and this place is back in action ... but NOOOOOO!!!!

Quote : "fuck this!" - pat

"goody two-shoes pat huh" - my mom