i think my new years resolution will be to stop caring .. because when i dont care i dont hurt and when i dont hurt im happy.

yup thats likely.

welp its christmas eve and im sitting here in my attic thinking about how much it doesnt feel like christmas. i cant feel anything towards this holiday nor the festivities that come along with it. im just trying to explain to myself if im doing this to myself r if there is some other cosmic reason that im feeling this way.

i want to go outside and smell the cool air and think christmas.

i want to sing christmas songs at the top of my lungs and really mean them

i want to feel excited for christmas day.

i wonder if this is a concequence of growing up. maybe when you reach a certain age christmas isnt the same anymore. but if that is the case i cant imagine how i could have possibly allowed that to happen. i have this ongoing war with myself that im not going to grow up. and maybe i lost.

i just cant explain the feeling of not having the christmas spirit.

im going for a walk.

~chels