when im upset i listen to songs and i take the lyrics and make them about me and my sitiation.

lyrics are so versitile.

my stereo should get alot more use than it does. although i have a passion for music i seem to be neglecting it. i chose my computer over the melody. my drumbeat or bass line is lost in the incessant typing. but i always go back. and ive recently become frustrated with music. i find myself straying away from the radio and finding most of my comfort im my father's old albums. i like the way you can hear the light scratching of the needle on the vynal in the background ...

i like the message in the music from the 60's ad 70's ... and i seem to appreciate the art form of vintage music to the redundant dance tunes and monotonous new bands that all have one hit and disappear forever.

we dont have any legend bands anymore the kind that stay around for 20 years. the music life span has decreased drastically ... and i find that depressing ...

the television is really no confort to me. its usually there to just occupy my brain with worthless babble. it basically numbs me to laugh at the corny jokes in the golden girls or step by step. i coud sit there for hours and just flip through the channels letting it take my brain with them .. mechanically surveying the station to see if anything worth watching is there. there almost never is. especially during the day time ...

and ive found that i might be actually addicted to the computer. im always on it if i have the free time.

even when i dont have the free time im online.

i talk to usually a select few and ignore the others. ive established more meaningful relationships online than in person. take kevin bartels for example. im crazy about the kid ... hes incredibly interesting and hes always a good conversation ... online ... but in person we barely speak.

how can it be so easy to talk to him online for hours and not get a single meaningful word out when i see him in person.

i hate hiding between this 17' glass screen typing my thoughts and feelings.

i lothe the impersonality of this dreaded machine with its constant humming noise ...

and yet its my best friend

it knows all of my secrets and it knows more about my life than even i know ...

and here it comes ....

*sigh*

yeah i figured i needed to put that in

i think its becoming a trademark part of my entries ... theres always a *sigh*

~chels

and why would anyone read this crap