so playing with my school friends wasnt usually an option.

so my backyard became my only medium for my imagination. my best friends growing up were my brother and the kids next door. and the age gap didnt mean a thing. im at least 5 years older from the eldest of the kids.

maybe one day we would be traveling to jurassic park to investigate the mating patterns of the raptors right after a wild chase and a narrow escape from the most ferocious of the t-rex persuasion.

the next day i would be princess leia leading the boys on a crusade to save my little sister princess lela from the evil storm troopers.

and maybe i would be a scientist putting the last finishing touches on my newest model of robot, impressingly played by jj or shawn as katie assisted in the creation process.

no matter how old i got i was still making up new games and dragging them into my imagination. even when i come back to rochester and i visit them i ususlly find myself in some sort of jungle garb with a back pack on my back filled with tools to save the endangered species of the amazon as we sail along the river avoiding anacondas and wild monkeys who steal your shoes in the night.

and every time i come the kids beg me to play because im the one that makes it fun.

but each time it gets harder and harder for me to get into that world. its always a little harder to find that character im dreaming up.

im always getting a little more reluctant to even get into that place where nothing is realistic and its all up to whatever your mind invents.

i like that place.

they asked me tonight to play. and i decline the request. and now theyre in the other room playing one of my games from the past. and im feeling left out of my own imagination.

(a few mins later)

my brain is cooking up a wild game that i think will be really fun, it involves these night vision goggles jj got for christmas, stolen jewels, and a police chase.

i hope i can get rid of this grown up thing.