northeastern doesnt have summer vacations after sophomore year. your summers are spent in co-ops. and frankly i was fine with that ... but then i realized that i have big plans for my summers ... at least for the next few years. i wanna spend them in new york with no tv, tons of kids, and crazy full of life people at camp stella maris. that just isnt possible if im at college. (and supposing that i do actually get hired).

and ive been thinking about working at camp next summer. its going to be very very hard for me.

im going to have project graduation, and then im gone, for the rest of the summer. and when i come home in the end of august ... most of my friends will have already left for freshmen orientation. i dont know if i'll be able to handle that. there are certain people that i dont think i'll be ok leaving. and that scares me to death. because i know that there is nothing on earth that i want more than to be a councelor at this camp. but leaving home, and all of my friends, and not having another school year to look forward to with them ... thats going to kill me.

but that's just if i get the job.

i care more and more, and i know that it'll never go the way i would ideally want it to work out, but then again i need to let my control freak self chill out a little. im so in love with the present that the future doesnt really seem to matter all that much. so im not letting it ... that much.

meat fest this evening. and with it came more danger as we were cooking in the dark with lots of grills and lots of raw meat. im not really feeling up to par right now and im hoping it has nothing to do with all the meat i ate tonight. food poisioning would really suck right now.

there.