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The wierdest feeling in the world is knowning that I had months to prepare for today, May 29th, and I had months to figure out how I was going to feel, and after all that time I got nothin'. I am in such an extreme state of denial it's unbelievable. I can talk and talk about how I don't care that he's gone and I can not talk about this person that effected me in a big way all I want, and I can keep it on the down low because I don't want to admit even to myself that it matters ... but what has resulted is this feeling that something isn't right. A farewell with no conclusion is no farewell at all. I hate open-ended situations and I hate not having all the answers. I am becoming increasingly numbed to this whole idea that things are ever going to be perfect.
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