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I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. There is a certain piece of me that knows that no matter what, I did what I wanted to and didn't look back. I hold a certain esteem for a "no regrets" policy. As much as I may fall victim to walls and emotional blockades, I know that I do believe in something. I do feel something. I may not be fair or play by the same rules. I might be looked down on for my impulses, but I follow my heart. I wear it on my sleeve. I let people in and then decide whether or not that was such a good idea. I fall and back out. I hang on to the past. I let them continue to be a part of my life despite better judgement. I have the uncanny ability to see the good side of most people. I especially enjoy looking at what makes people good when everyone tells me they aren't. Maybe I enjoy the challenge. Maybe I just don't know what I want. I'm not holding out. I'm feeling my way around. Eventually something is going to fall into place and when it does I'll know that I took the long and broken path, full of wrong turns, potholes and dead ends. But I was an explorer. I left no leaves unturned and I made sure I knew what I was getting into. Life is not a spectator sport. I am playing offence. I may get hurt, I know I'll fuck up (plenty). I'm fine with that. I'm learning.
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