I think I really need this final summer of camp to take my mind off of my sophomore year. I really did a number on my sense of self this year. I don't like random hookups. But I kissed alot of people this year. The problem is that with each new guy I got excited. I thought that I really liked them, they really liked me and that something was going to happen with that mutual liking. Some of the times I would realize that I thought wrong and didn't really like them, and most times it was the other way around or they weren't looking for more than some ass. I think I overestimated the intentions of the college male.
I had a hugely successful year doing something that I love, and I know that I would want to do that for a career, but I don't know if I could be successful with it in the outside world. The controlled atmosphere of the University of Delaware makes it easy.
I drank. alot. I sometimes miss the days when I had strong convictions and actually stood by them. I was healthier and had less regrets when I didn't drink. I also felt alot more isolated and left out. I felt like I wasn't part of the game that everyone else around me was playing.

I'm glad that I'll have a whole summer where random hookups don't happen if you don't want them to, drinking can only happen every other friday night (if that), and people love and care about you unconditionally. I won't have to worry about grades (fuck evals) and I won't be able to waste my days away on this damn computer.

In 5 days I'm off ... for the last summer at CSM.