rewind

back to where i started.

well no, ive gained nothing but lost so much. which would make me behind.

its interesting how you can feel fake smiling. you fall asleep with your phone clasped in your hands waiting, hoping that he'd call. knowing that he probably wont. its so hard to see his face in school. you lost that too. you frikin lost. game over, you lose. man youre bad at this game. and theres no consolation prize either ... sucker. the way he used to say that one thing, he scrunched up his face, shrugged his shoulders, it always made you laugh. i hate how when you least want to think about something it seems to dominate your brain. what if's and why's do-si-do around denial and neive excuses youre making up for him. it feels like this punch in the stomach, and it wont go away. its that kind of feeling that hits you out of nowhere, one minute youre smiling and laughing, and then that one moment reminds you and you cannot find even the smallest chuckle or smile within you. its not depression, its more emptiness. and its you kicking yourself for trusting again. if one guy did it to you why wouldnt they all? what makes you think commitment is what they want. all they care about is getting in your pants. lucky girl ...