In a way I'm relieved that this is my final summer at a place that has captivated my heart for the past 10 years.
Half of my life has been devoted to a feeling and a place that I have come to rely on, and frankly, this year it has let me down immensely. I don't know how it happened or where it came from but I'm generally unhappy at camp. Sure the hugs are still welcome and the compliments and encouragement are always good to hear but that magic is missing. The sunsets are just sunsets, the stars are just stars, and the kids are just kids. I have no real desire to stay there any longer than I have to and that scares me. There are alot of changes. Many people aren't there this year. My usual cast of characters took a hard hit this summer with people getting fired, sick or just moving on. Something I need to do. Camp will always be the place where I met my best friend after hating her for her burping talents. It'll be where I dressed up a cabin full of 7 year olds in glam rock clothes and had them rock out to Andrew WK in front of the whole camp. It will be where Kate and I blatantly broke the rules as campers and went sailing without our lifejackets and talked about boys and sex and couldnt get yelled at for it because we finally found a place where we weren't supervised. It will be where I was a Kimber Frog and where I saw my first shooting star. It will be a place of hearbreak and love and undying friendships. There are alot of my tears at that place. Alot of laughter and memories and embarassment. It's where I made it to the highest swim level and where my fellow CIT's awarded me with the Cross and Star award. Its where I've never won Counselor of the Week. Camp has torn up many of my relationships. It's given me in return some amazing ones. This tug-o-war is finally breaking. I'm losing more than I'm gaining this summer and I'm not comfortable with that. I have things to do, places to see, and work to tackle. This summer will be a perfect ending. It's the last year before they tear down the Big House. I'll go out with the Big House.
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